


No Quarter

by goblindaughter



Category: BZRK by Michael Grant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-18
Updated: 2012-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-10 06:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/463058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblindaughter/pseuds/goblindaughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessica discovers what it was her supposedly loving boyfriend did to her. And takes action.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Quarter

My name is Jessica Rahim. I am nineteen years old. I like the color pink and _Tank Girl_ comics and Black Widow and the theory of relativity and Nnedi Okorafor and Octavia Butler and Stephen King. I am going for a major in physics.  
And I am completely and utterly in love with Anthony Elder, because he made me that way.

Until five days ago, I would have said that a nano is a writing competition and a macro is a captioned image. Until five days ago, I would have said we don't have such a thing as nanotechnology and won't for years. Until five days ago, I would have said Anthony and I are in love, and the great sex is just a side benefit.  
Five days ago I heard this conversation:

"Keep it down, you'll wake her up."  
(Anthony, too late.)  
A snort. "What, your sexbot?" (Unknown woman, derisive.)  
"Jessica is not a sexbot!"  
"Okay, what do you call a woman you programmed to have sex with you, then? Don't think it hasn't gotten around." (More quietly.) "There are plenty of people who don't like it, Bug Man. And we'll laugh when you finally burn out." ( _Dangerous_ unknown woman.) "So." (Normal voice now.) "Business. That dispatch from One-Up."

That is not the point where I stopped listening. I listened to the whole thing, took it all in. Biots and nanobots and wars inside of people.  
Oh my.

Five days. Five days I have been thinking. About what consent means. About what it means that I was essentially made to give it. It makes me sick. Literally. When I put the pieces together and make words out of them, when I'm honest, my stomach churns and I end up vomiting, retching over the toilet long after my stomach is empty.  
It's when I'm washing my face in the sink that I finally say it.  
"I was raped."  
It seems bad. Dirty. The word makes me feel like I need to take a shower. Like I'm broken.  
It's the passive voice, that's the problem. It puts it all on me. Deep breath. Try again.  
"Anthony Elder raped me."  
Not much better. But it brings Anthony into this. Two sides to the equation, two people for the slime to cover. Less slime for each, that way.  
No.  
All the slime on him. He did this. It's not my fault.  
Not.  
My.  
Fault.  
I can believe it. I'm glad.  
But the worst thing? I love him and I want him and it feels so natural and right that I feel like I've gone completely crazy when I tell myself it isn't. This is what he did, how badly he screwed me up.  
There are two ways for me to be free: either he gets tired of me, or he dies.  
And he will never get tired of me.

So the next time I go to his house, I bring Advil. Double the recommended dose. My resolve falters and breaks and shatters in my hand with each word he says.  
But then I think _sexbot_. And _programmed_. And it rises up whole and ugly and strong. Because that is what I am to him and that is what he did to me and no matter how strong my love for him is, my life must be my own again.  
It's easier to crunch the Advil into his coffee than I thought.

He looks so peaceful asleep, I think as I look down at him. So innocent. So...perfect. How can I do this?  
"Sexbot," I whisper, and tighten my grip on the handle of the butcher knife until my knuckles go pale.  
Oh, Anthony, my love.  
Oh, Anthony, sweetheart.  
Oh, Anthony, you beautiful, amazing--  
\--rapist cunt excuse for a man.  
May your first day in hell last ten thousand years, and may it be the shortest.  
"Programmed," I whisper, and I ram the knife home.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's a wrap! If you guys are interested in what happens after the end of this fic, my basic idea of it is she gets picked up by BZRK and starts a thing with Ophelia (who has fancy new prosthetic legs and is completely fine due to them having found a cure for the whole your-biots-dying-drives-you-crazy thing.) Also she asks to be re-wired so Bug Man's face doesn't bring up a pleasant reaction every time she sees it. And she and Anya are totally best buds. 
> 
> Basically, I just wanted to see Jessica get some closure where she makes some choices.


End file.
